All of a sudden my eager anticipation turned into immense fear, and instead of jumping in I got angry and ran back as fast as I could.
The further I got from the steps the more I felt like I was running away from my calling…but I felt safe. I woke up from that dream angry at myself and wanting to go back to tell myself in the dream to just jump in. Then I started my day and forgot all about it.
Dreams happen so fast, it was only when I sat down to meditate later that I remembered it. I wrote it down immediately so I wouldn’t forget (and because I can take a hint, universe). As I wrote it all down I realized how parallel much of what happened in there is what has been happening in my life.
I suppose its why I got so emotional in the video I made about the marathon I’m running in December. You can find it here.
There’s so many times I feel like I’ve been on that shoreline in real life. The shoreline of decision: always staring my next adventure right in the face, wondering if I should jump in. Allowing fear to taunt me, saying over and over that I might fall short of the distance my heart is aching to go. Always knowing that I need to push myself to just dive in regardless of the fear.
I don’t feel like I’m alone here. I feel many others have reached this point and also run back to their comfort zone. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, a bad habit, a goal of losing weight, _____________(insert yours here).
So as of now I give myself the permission jump in to my next adventure, where I will probably humiliate myself, test my limits, and learn a little more about myself. Where I get to build more of my character probably by failing at some attempts. Where I get to revel in the moment: be it the fear of not knowing what will happen next, the pain of feeling alone, hurt, rejected, or misunderstood, but also: the glory of achieving things I used to believe were impossible. Finding treasures that can only be found by diving in deep into those parts that scare me. Knowing that the real treasures are not within my current reach.
Consider this your validation to do the same. Not because you need my permission or anyone’s, but because sometimes a push and a reminder from someone else can be helpful. Especially someone who might not fully understand your specific struggle, but is currently in a very similar boat.
“Do the thing you fear the most and the death of fear is certain”
-Mark Twain
Here’s to killing fears. To jumping in and enjoying every part of the journey: the pain, the excitement, the fear, the glory.