This past January marked another trip around the sun for me.I turned 30 and it hit me hard. It’s a different sensation than what I imagined it would be. I felt a death began to occur within me that day.
It sounds rather dark to say that, but I mean it in the most positive possible way. When I say a death occurred, I mean death to of the part of me that’s been holding on to toxic patterns, wrong beliefs, and self-sabotaging behaviors. Oddly enough, there’s part of me that’s struggling this release. Why? Because she’s who I’ve known for most of my life. That part of me relied on those behaviors and patterns to survive.
It’s been quite a road since then. The lows have been very low, but the joys… they have been such highs. I’m excited, confused, scared, happy, and vulnerable to all of it. It’s new for me. I’m learning to forgive myself(and others); for holding onto beliefs and patterns that no longer serve me. I’m learning how to be still, breathe, and calm the storms within me. I’m learning to heal and how to move forward.
I feel as if, my soul is in a state of rebirth; and I’m looking at everything with new eyes.
It’s truly a beautiful feeling.
The other day I wrote a personal journal entry; and while the details of that I’ll keep silent about until another time, I did want to share this small snippet:
I’m always yearning for what’s truly rich in life. Learning to savor every moment. The bitter and the sweet. Life gives us so many flavors. So many colors to paint with. So much life. Lately, surface level doesn’t cut it. I feel like I’ve disconnected myself from the woman I thought I was. Ive retracted from people, places, and work that once brought me life. I’m taking a deep rest from that character I’ve been playing so that my soul can immerse itself in what is true for me. As the saying goes, the truth shall set you free.
Cheers darling.